Causes of marital conflicts and their solutions
Types of marital disputes, solutions to marital problems, ways to end quarrels between spouses, marital problems in bed and their solutions, and signs of serious marital problems.
Problems and disagreements are an essential and natural part of marital life. Indeed, marital disputes are considered the most important experiences that deepen the relationship between spouses and increase their knowledge of each other, provided that these differences are dealt with in a positive and effective way. In the following lines, we learn about the types of marital problems and their solutions and the stages of marital conflict, And signs that indicate serious marital disagreements.
Four stages of serious marital disagreements
Most serious marital disputes go through four stages that develop from the beginning of the marriage until reaching a dead end, and understanding these stages may help the couple to deal with marital differences and problems better:
Ignorance and patience stage: It is the first stage of marital disputes, where the newlyweds try to avoid confrontation and suppress their negative feelings as a result of marital disputes, and to avoid declaring anxiety resulting from disappointment or the collapse of high expectations. This stage paves the way for the next stage.
The confrontation stage: The confrontation stage usually begins after a period of repression and jumping over marital differences without resolving their roots or discussing them openly, as the wife feels an overwhelming desire to express herself and her negative feelings as a result of the continuous optional patience on some matters and details, as well as the husband. This stage also ends with the spouses realizing the ineffectiveness of violent confrontation, and trying to find a new method of communication.
The stage of searching for a common solution: It is considered the most dangerous stage in the development of marital disputes, as the spouses try to find practical, pragmatic agreements to solve marital problems. Practical communication, or it ends with a mutual feeling of apathy and a tendency to solve daily problems related to food, drink, and expenses, and neglects the deep problems related to the emotions and feelings of the spouses.
The stage of despair: where the spouses get tired of quarrels, disagreements, and the search for solutions, and they lose hope of finding an effective formula to resolve the ongoing differences, and the matter ends between them emotionally separating and each of them preoccupied with his own affairs, with the renewal of quarrels from time to time, and the desire for divorce and separation often multiply at this stage.
Types of ongoing marital problems and their solutions
Each couple has its own problems that may seem unique to them, and despite this, common types or patterns of marital disputes can be traced. Spouses may suffer from one or more types of marital problems. Here are the top 10 types of marital problems and their solutions:
Attention problems between spouses: Attention problems between spouses are represented by the inability of one or both spouses to deal with the decrease in interest and the gradual and natural fading of passion in the marital relationship, which is a natural result of the increase in responsibilities and involvement in real life, and instead of finding a way to feed the passion again, the couple resort to To describe the situation and cry over the ruins, then launch accusations and judgments.
Solving the problem of interest between the spouses begins with renewal in marital life, reconsideration of understanding the developments and stages of the marital relationship, and the natural turns that almost every marriage goes through, and usually the solution to the problem of lack of interest between the spouses starts from one side, meaning that one of the spouses takes the initiative to show more From interest and insistence on his right to obtain attention, and be patient until he reaps the results.
Trust problems: these appear through excessive jealousy and excessive suspicion as a result of a painful experience related to trust, or as a result of the suspicious nature and personality of one of the partners. Trust problems are usually considered a source of continuous and disturbing marital disputes and lead to random solutions that exacerbate the problems further.
The solution to trust problems begins with treating the roots of suspicion and suspicion - assuming that there is sincerity between the spouses as the jealous party must seek psychological help to help him overcome the negative thoughts that generate his state of doubt and suspicion.
The other party must also be more understanding of the suspicious and suspicious nature of the partner, try to dispel the doubt with clarity and transparency, and realize that quarrels and screams were not a solution to the problems of trust in any marriage.
Sexual problems between the spouses: Sexual incompatibility may be an inherent problem in marriage that starts from the first day and continues to cast a shadow over the relationship.
Seeking solutions to marital problems in bed is a priority for spouses, and renewal is the broad title for solving sexual problems in marriage. We will also stop in a special paragraph with solutions to sexual problems and bed problems in married life.
Financial disputes: Financial disputes between spouses grow with the passage of time unless there is a clear agreement from the beginning. When the wife is a housewife, financial problems are often linked to the husband’s stinginess, the wife’s extravagance, or the couple’s different view of priorities. When the wife contributes financially, problems of ownership, entitlement, and guarantee to begin. The wife's right to what she pays to buy a house, for example, or a car, and whether the wife's contribution is obligatory or voluntary...etc.
The ideal solution for financial disputes between spouses is for the financial rights to be clear and documented, by clarifying the financial responsibilities of the husband and wife in accordance with custom, law, and agreement between them, and resorting to correspondence to guarantee the rights of both parties to joint property and funds. From the financial independence of the woman and the search for a private source of income or requesting the intervention of the family to force the husband to spend as it should, and the problem of the extravagance of the wife requires wisdom from the husband in the first place to control what can be spent and cut extravagance from the source.
Problems of social networking sites: In the era of communication, the habits of the spouses on social networking sites represent a fertile environment for continuous and growing problems, not only the problems of trust that arise from the spouses’ relationships via the Internet, but also the problems of the time the partner spends on his phone, secret accounts, espionage, and others.
Solving problems arising from social networking sites between spouses begins with identifying the causes and types of these problems. The treatment of infidelity on the Internet is not like treating video game addiction, for example, and there will be no real solution to this type of problem unless both parties are convinced of the negative impact of social networking sites on their marital relationship. We have previously discussed the issue of the husband’s addiction to video games, specifically the game PUBG.
Disputes over raising children: procreation is a major turning point in the marital relationship, and new patterns of problems often appear after childbearing, and educational differences between parents may be the most prominent post-childbearing problems, as well as the number of children or the desire to have children, and disputes over the type of fetus and abortion; One of the common patterns of permanent marital disagreements.
In order to solve the problems related to raising children, the spouses must realize the condition of positive and correct education, which is non-conflict and maintaining a common educational context agreed upon between the parents. The basic principles are far from the ears of the children, as the results reach the children without going through the parental struggle over education, especially when the spouses are unable to conduct a quiet dialogue in the presence of the children.
Intertwined family problems: This type of problem and disagreement does not start from the marital home but is related to the parents of the spouses and the relationship that binds the small family with the large and extended family, and it is one of the issues that must be resolved at the beginning of the marriage to avoid its impact on the happiness of the spouses and the stability of the family.
The only solution to the problems of large families, the husband’s family, and the wife’s family is for each party to draw clear boundaries for its family in a polite and respectful manner, and for respect to be the basic starting point in the relationship with the large family, and the spouses must be more flexible in accepting and understanding the sensitivity of the relationship between the large and small families. And not stopping at the small details and fueling the problems, and if the root of the problem is shared housing, there is no escape from independence.
Unresolved marital differences: jumping over marital problems is the closest solution at the beginning of marriage and at the beginning of the problem, but with the first tension in the relationship between the spouses, they will discover that the small problems that they left unresolved have appeared again, and they will appear every time until they find a solution to them, or eliminate the understanding between them and perhaps Kill the marriage!
Solving outstanding and accumulated problems in marital life begins with effective communication, insisting on ending any dispute or problem in its time and refusing to postpone it completely. Even if it was a quarrel session, the important thing is that the spouses do not leave this session without a solution.
Bargaining problems between spouses: Bargaining in all its forms makes the marital relationship fragile, and what is meant by bargaining is the use of sex as a weapon of emotional blackmail, the use of money as a means of pressure, or other forms of cheap bargaining between spouses.
Realizing the danger of bargaining between spouses is the easiest solution. Marital relations counselors believe that bargaining cuts the cord of cordiality between spouses on the one hand, and also reduces the desire to sacrifice or offer something for free. When bargaining is repeated, spontaneity in the relationship decreases and turns into a relationship. Machiavellianism cannot build a happy or stable family, hence the couple must refrain from bargaining.
Emergency marital disputes: which are associated with sudden changes - or seem sudden - that appear on one of the parties, may be changes related to external appearance such as obesity, and may be associated with behavioral changes such as silence, isolation, or spending more time outside the home, and sometimes related to illness of one of the spouses, or loss Job...etc.
Solving urgent problems in marital life is closely related to the approach to resolving marital disputes adopted by spouses, so we believe that the existence of fixed rules to deal with persistent and common marital problems necessarily means the ability to deal with emergency marital disputes, and vice versa.
Types of marital problems in bed and their solutions
Problems of boredom and sexual aversion: which appear naturally in most marriages after a short period of time, as the sexual passion between the spouses begin to decline, and the pressures and concerns of life increase, which reduces the chances of meeting in bed, in addition to the changes in the sexual relationship after childbearing.
The solution to the problem of sexual boredom and aversion usually begins with introducing some simple changes to the daily routine on the one hand, and some changes to the sexual relationship itself on the other hand, and the couple may resort to agreeing on dates for sexual relations, although we do not encourage this method, it may be effective in Special cases, and the spouses must realize that daily disputes move to the bed, which increases the necessity of resolving marital disputes and problems quickly and effectively.
Problems of impotence and sexual apathy: most of which are due to health and psychological problems in one of the parties, and it is necessary to resort to a specialized doctor to treat the problems of impotence and sexual apathy in one of the spouses, and it must be noted here that the problems of apathy and impotence in men and women differ from the problem of aversion Sexual integrity with sexual ability organically.
Uneven sexual desire: This problem usually appears at the beginning of marriage and its early stages, where the sexual desire between the spouses is uneven and one desires the relationship more than the other.
Agreeing on reasonable limits for the sexual relationship and holding the stick in the middle is the best solution to the disparity in sexual desire between the spouses. The couple should also see a specialist doctor because excessive or low desire may be associated with hormonal problems, some diseases, or taking some medications.
Blackmail and bargaining in bed: Sexual blackmail is one of the serious marital problems in bed, where one of the parties uses sex as a means of pressure to achieve other ends, forgetting that his partner may search for sex elsewhere because the relationship has become based on satisfying desire instead of passion and love!
The spouses must refrain from extortion and bargaining in the intimate relationship between them, and must completely separate between the sexual relationship as a natural need for both of them and personal and private interests that are not related to sex and intimacy, and realize the danger of sexual blackmail between the spouses is the first step in stopping this harmful practice, It often ends in marital infidelity or sexual aversion and lack of desire.
Sexual coercion: Sexual coercion is not limited to forcing the wife to have intercourse, but also to coercion in fulfilling some deviant sexual desires, such as anal sex.
Solutions to marital problems and ending the dispute
We believe that marital problems need unique and innovative solutions for each problem separately, according to its causes and details, but at the same time, the ongoing marital problems stem in most cases from the absence of basic rules for understanding and dialogue between the spouses, so it can be said that there are basic solutions that guarantee the preparation for the solution of all marital problems. On top of the solutions to various marital problems:
- Continuous and daily dialogue: It does not matter that the daily dialogue between the spouses is a deep dialogue. The aim of the daily dialogue is to keep the lines of communication open between the two partners. When a problem occurs, dialogue and conversation will not be an obstacle in front of them.
- Tolerance between spouses: The desire to catch mistakes and record positions increases with the increase and persistence of marital disputes, while tolerance and forgiveness in the marital relationship are among the basic principles for overcoming differences and problems in marital life.
- Preventing the accumulation of problems: The golden rule in a successful marriage is that neither one of you sleeps sad or angry and that he does not wake up with a grudge in his heart. Therefore, the spouses must ensure that the problem, whatever its kind, is solved in its time and time, and prevent it from continuing for one additional day.
- Solving marital problems with hugs: Emotional, non-sexual, physical contact between spouses is considered one of the magical solutions to marital problems. Read our article on solving marital problems with hugs by clicking on the link.
- Isolating children from marital problems: not only to protect children from the effects of marital disputes but also to protect marriage itself from permanent and continuous problems, as involving children makes problems more complex and difficult.
- The goal is to solve the problem: Each party must think that the goal of any quarrel or dialogue is to reach a solution, and not to record the positions or fix the error.
- No threat between the spouses: Threat is one of the poor ways of dealing with marital problems. The threat often leads to a loss of a sense of security in the marital relationship and a decrease in anxiety about the quality of the threat. The constant threat of divorce may lead to divorce.
- Asking for help: The spouses should not hesitate to seek help from close associates or a specialist in marital counseling. The outside party can bring together points of view and solve some outstanding marital dilemmas that the couple may not be able to deal with in an ideal way, provided that it is wise or specialized.
When do marital differences become dangerous for marriage?
Problems and disagreements in marital life are natural and cannot be avoided or denied. Rather, what is required is proficiency in dealing with marital problems and creating appropriate solutions for both parties and for the benefit of the family. But when do marital disputes become dangerous for marriage? Here are these signs:
- Lack of respect between spouses, exchange of verbal or physical abuse, and defamation.
- Selfishness and the preoccupation of each of the spouses with himself, focusing on personal interest and self-happiness without thinking about the happiness of the other party and the well-being of the family.
- Allowing the parents’ continuous interference in the spouses’ problems until the parents’ interference between the spouses becomes a problem in itself.
- A chronic case of exchanging blame, throwing responsibility, and trying to record situations, and some couples may resort to using strange methods to fix situations, such as writing the positions or recording them audio and taking out these documents when they disagree!
- Abstaining from sex and interrupting physical contact between spouses for a long time due to marital differences and emotional separation.
- Hiding secrets and creating a parallel life away from the partner, especially with regard to financial matters and social relations.
- Repeated marital infidelity and the betrayal partner's self-forgiveness on the grounds that betrayal is justified in a marriage fraught with conflicts! And it is not.
- The long quarrel may extend for days or even months, and the state of abandonment and long quarrels are repeated for the same reasons.
- Feeling deeply regretful about marriage or choosing a life partner, and expressing this remorse behaviorally and verbally on a regular basis.
These are the main signs of serious marital disputes and problems that threaten the continuation of the marriage. If you believe that these signs are present in your married life, you must try by all means to control marital disputes and resort to seeking help from a specialist to treat marriage problems.